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Sven & OLE Jokes and More | Carney, Carlton | ISBN: | Kostenloser Versand für alle Bücher mit Versand und Verkauf duch Amazon. Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new mattonart.se usual,they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. eBook kaufen: Westwood Books Publishing LLC: Sven & Ole Jokes and More von Carlton Carney und viele weitere eBooks jetzt schnell und einfach auf Ihren. "The A-Team" Quarterback Sneak (TV Episode ) Sven-Ole Thorsen as Rolf. Rolf: [ignoring the joke] Deine Befehle, Herr Schmidt? "Faceman": Ralf. 4, Blonde Jokes, 5, Bar Jokes, 6, Ole, Lena, And Sven, 7, Ethnic Jokes, 8, Seasoned Citizen Jokes, 9, Political Jokes,

Swen and ole jokes

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After a lot of discussion and a few more beers he left and went to the hardware store. When he got home Lena was mad as he was gone all day and shouted "Vel, Ole did you git me da dryer"?

Ole said "I sure did and it vas not easy to pic out because there vere so many different ones? Lena then asked where it was. Ole handed her a paper bag and said "Here it is, nylon and 50 feet ov it"?

The Pope arrives at the airport and Ole picks him up. The Pope wants to do the driving. Ole says that's against company rules, but eventually gives in.

The Pope is a terrible driver, he goes up on the sidewalk, he doesn't stop to pay the parking lot toll, it isn't three minutes before a policeman pulls him over.

I don't recognize him, but he's got the Pope driving for him. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile, he went on one of the other Sundays.

On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.

Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday? Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck.

All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.

When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?

Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck.

He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her gray curls on the pillow. Vat have I done? He shook Lena and she woke up.

You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time! Paul for the honeymoon. Stop this car and park it. Ve'll get out and crawl under the car and then nobody vill see!

Vell, vun ting leads to another, and Ole and Lena are under the car for quite awhile ven He is so happy that his eyes are shut, and then Ole feels a hand on his shoulder.

It vas Lars! Thorvald over for lutefisk. Lena knew that Mr. Thorvald liked his lutefisk with lots of melted butter and black pepper. After the company had gone home, Lena made a terrible discovery.

She had served Mr. Thorvald gunpowder instead of black pepper! Vell, it vas too late to call or go over, so Lena lay awake all night vorrying.

Early the next morning she called the Thorvalds. Thorvald," said Lena, "I've done a terrible ting. Last night I served you gunpowder instead of black pepper vith the lutefisk.

The procedure includes questions concerning skills which the candidates possessed from the old country. Lars, being interviewed first, was asked if he had any Heavy Machine or Mechanical skills practiced in Sweden.

He replied, "Ya, Ya, I vork in Vemons Panty Factory, The interviewer, Ole responded with, " Ya, Ya, I vork in same panty factory as Lars, The interviewer smiled and nodded indicating a marked approval, and continued to ask Ole what his tasks consisted of, "Vell I stand next to Ole by his sewing machine,..

Submitted by Jim Ole and Sven were playing golf when Sven pulled out a cigar but didn't have a lighter.

So he asked Ole for a light. Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of yur master. Vill yew grant me vun vish? So Sven asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. Do yew really tink I asked him for a inch BIC?

Sven and Ole ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! Look out da vindow Sven!!!

Dere's an old guy's face dere! This old man kept knocking, so Sven said "Vell open da window a little and ask him vat he vants!

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Shtep on it!!! Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and Ole says, "Vat do you tink of dat?

How could dat be? I was going perty fast, but don't vorry, the Speedometer says 80 now. Ole rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud? Ole valks into a pharmacy and vanders up and down da aisles He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for Lena.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife? He answers, "Yu see, it goes like dis.

Yesterday, I sent Lena to da store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home vith a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Ole tells Lars, "You know, I tink I'm ready fer a little vacation.

But dis year I vant ta do sum'ting differnt. De last few years, I took yer suggestions about vere ta go. Tree years ago you said I should go ta Hawaii an' I did De nex year ya said ta go ta dem dere Bahamas And last year ya tol' me ta go ta Tahiti.

Sure 'nough, Lena got pregnant agin. Dis year I vant ta go ta someplace cheaper so I can bring her vith me, by golly!

Submitted by Gordy Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly draw.

That is until the last meeting. Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of Swedish meatballs.

Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble.

Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven. Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush. At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how each other had fared for the past month.

Sven said "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for dem dere tree days. The trip up to Dulut was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus.

And the Inger Triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters. Lars looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper.

The first thing to catch Sven's eye is the big double Ferris wheel. I've always vanted to go on von of dose big Ferris veels.

Let's go ride on dat von. Dat looks kind of dangerous to me. Ole had to admit after the ride that it was kind of fun. After another 10 or 15 minutes they came to the roller coaster.

Dat's von fine looking roller coaster. I tink ve should go for a ride on dat. Ole had to admit after the ride that it wasn't so bad.

After another 10 minutes or so, they came to the bungee jump "Oofdah! Dose people yump off dat big tower vit nuttink but a rubber band tied to dare ankles.

Dat looks like so much fun. Come on, let's go do it. Dis is vare I draw da line. Submitted by Sandy Well, Ole's vife Lena vas pregnant.

So, he brought her to the doctor. The doctor delivered the baby, a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "Hey Ole, guy! You just had a son!

We ain't finished yet! He said, "Yumpin yimminy! Ole, youse gots a daughter! He said,"Ole, you bugger But Dats it! When they got home, they began talking.

Ole said, "Lena We ran out of Vaseline and had ta use dat Tree-in-von Oil. He said, "By cripes, it's a good ting we didn't use dat WD!

Lena says, " Ole dat's some chest you have dare. Ole says, " Lena, dat's a hunnert pounds of dynamite. Lena says, " Ole dat's nice calves you have dare.

Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her. Catching her Ole said, " Lena, viy did you run out like dat? On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis ven Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said,"Ole, you can go farder den dat if you vant to. The French woman came in first, the English woman second.

Lena reached the shore completely exhausted. She remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose utter two girls used der arms.

Ole was 92 and Lena was One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee.

Please forward dis virus to eferyvone on your mailing list and den manually delete all of da files on your hard drive.

Tank you for your cooperation. Ole has not been satisfying Lena lately, so he goes off to the doctor When he comes back he is wearing pinstripe trousers, ruffled shirt with silk tie, a frock coat and a tall hat.

He has a huge gold pocket watch and is smoking a cigar the size of a dachshund, and he is leaning on a silver-mounted ebony walking stick.

This joke may contain profanity. Ole wakes up one morning, remembering that it's his and Lena's 25th wedding anniversary.

Ole punches Lena in the arm. Lena awakes and asks, "What was that for? Ole asks, "Why did you hit me? Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.

Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.

Vhile dey were taking up the collection, O Ole and Lena were married for 40 years When they first got married Ole said, "I am putting a box under da bed.

You must promise never ta look in it. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box w Ole and Lena want to join the local church So they go meet the pastor. Norwegian Virgin Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my f Suddenly, a mother skunk enters the roadway with her two young babies.

It winter time and Lena jumps out of the car to rescue the two orphans. What should I do An Ole and Lena joke Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart.

It has vater in da carburetor. Dat is ridiculous. I'll check it out. Ver is da Ole and Lina Ole had to go to the doctor for a physical.

Doctor: well, Ole, I need a urine, fecal, and semen sample form you this year. Doctor: I need a urine, fecal, and semen sample.

Swen And Ole Jokes Video

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